Penpals For Now
by All Things Our Girl
Summary: Letters and emails between Capt James and Molly after Episode 4
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- characters and concept belong to the BBC.

My first attempt at fanfiction. Capt. James writes to Molly during his recuperation back in the UK. May write Molly's response and see where it takes me.

Dear Molly,

I am hoping that this reaches you in time. 2 Section must be ready to head back home any time now, and as we well know, post can be a little slow reaching Afghanistan.  
>I should have written this sooner, but I needed some time to collect my thoughts and come to terms with my current situation. Things haven't progressed as well as I would have liked, although the doctors say my recovery is on track. I have never been the greatest patient, but perhaps I shouldn't expect so much from myself.<p>

As you can imagine, the past 6 weeks have been difficult. I believe that the hospital kept me in an induced coma until they were sure that I was out of the woods, or so my mother tells me. She has been my rock lately, and I couldn't be more grateful for her. Her strength and my memories of you have kept me going through the tougher days. I'm currently at Headley Court and have just begun a rigorous rehabilitation programme that involves physio and hydrotherapy sessions in order to strengthen my ankle. There was a considerable amount of tissue damage, so I have a long road to recovery ahead of me.

The doctors also tell me that had it not been for the expertise of the medic who administered emergency first aid, it is very unlikely that I would be here, writing this letter now. I owe my life to that medic..to you Molly. I hope that you are proud of the professional soldier you have become. I know that I am, and it was a privilege to work alongside you.

I miss you Molly, more than you can imagine. I had it all planned; how I was going to whisk you away as soon as we returned, and show you how you deserve to be treated. How you deserve to be loved. We've joked about Lady Luck, but she had other plans though, this time. I have been repeatedly going over and over this in my head. This is my doing; I am to blame entirely for this mess so I don't want you sitting there blaming yourself. I should have waited until the mission was complete; until I had you safely back at Bastion before explaining myself. The CP was not the right place, I know that now. I panicked; I thought I was going to lose you and I just needed to know if there was a chance you could forgive me; let me explain my past..secure my future.

I meant every word. I still do. You have changed me in a way I thought impossible. Taught me to see things differently; to allow myself to feel again. I'm not good with emotions Molly, so please be patient with me, that's if you are willing to give me another chance. I would give anything to rewind the clocks and see that beautiful smile of yours again. I know that I don't want to live without that; without you in my life.

For the first time, I have no influence or power over my future. I may not even have a career to go back to in the Army. Its not an issue that I can even begin to contemplate at the moment. One step at a time is all I can manage. I'm not sure what I can offer you Molly Dawes, other than my promise to always try to make you happy, and to love you as you deserve to be loved. So, if you feel you can, come back to me.

In hope

Capt. James


	2. Chapter 2

Sir, I'm crying like a proper idiot writing this. If you could see me now you might change your mind about me having grown up. I thought that was it, when you went. I didn't think I would hear from you again. Nobody would tell us anything. Like we were just supposed to forget all about you and just get on with it. We did get on with it though, cause we wanted you to be proud of us. You taught us well boss and we miss you.

The lads talk about you all the time. In fact, I think they are all secretly a bit in love with you. Bit like me really, except mines a bit more than a bit. Smurfs been moping around like a muppet and getting on my nerves, trying to talk about what happened. I know he feels bad about what he did, but I'm not ready to forgive him yet. Why can't he accept the fact that he ain't you. I don't think I did anything to lead him on. Did I? Keeps trying to talk me into going to bleedin Vegas when we get home. Well it ain't happening, ever.

I'm so glad your getting better bossman, we've all been worried sick about you. I'm definitely coming to visit you when I get back, well that's if I'm allowed. Can't have you forgetting me now can I. I will be allowed, won't I?

Your gonna have to get yourself on Facebook, so I can talk to you every day. The internet cabins here are pretty good and the connection ain't that bad. There aren't that many Molly Dawes from London that I know of, and my picture's on there, so I'll be easy to find.

3 Section arrived yesterday, so we are starting the handover phase today. No more nasty rashes, gammy feet or complaints of the shits to deal with anymore. Think their gonna be bored out of their brains stuck here though. Not like being out at the FOB were we actually got to do stuff. Still, I don't care because I can come home and see you. I'll put up with anything, even Mansfield Mikes snoring for the whole flight back, if it means I can do that. I might look at renting somewhere off camp maybe. Depends where your gonna be really, although I don't want to be too far away from you. Someone's gonna have to give you your daily bed bath;)

Bit of 2 Section news, Kinders is in love with the camp hairdresser. Bless him. Well that's what Fingers is telling everyone. He goes in every week for a trim and he hasn't got any hair to start with. It's quite sweet really. Everyone deserves to have someone. Just can't believe that I've got you. Doesn't seem real. I keep thinking that I'll wake up and have dreamt it all. One more week boss and I'm on that plane back to you. Thank God you can't go anywhere! Kidding, I just don't want to lose you again.

Thinking of you

Your Molly


	3. Chapter 3

Capt James to Molly via Facebook Messenger

Hello beautiful. I'm glad that you received my letter in time. I thought that I might be too late and had missed the boat. Perhaps Lady Luck is smiling on us after all. By my calculations, you should be shipping out to Cyprus tomorrow to begin your decompression? Try to relax and enjoy it Molly. You of all people deserve some down time, considering what I have put you through. I know that no amount of apologies will ever put right the hurt I have caused you, but I will endeavour to deserve you.

Have you thought about your plans during leave? I'm sure that your family will be wanting to celebrate your home coming. My family has a tradition of inviting the entire James clan around to celebrate when one of its own comes home safely; which can get quite interesting at times. Family dynamics. I have an older brother who is also serving, as well as a long line of James' before him. Perhaps that explains why the Army has always been my dream; it must be in my blood.

Maybe you could squeeze some time in to visit me? The doctor says that I should be downgraded to outpatients within the next two weeks, meaning I can go home, as long as I continue my daily strengthening exercises. I plan on getting back on my feet as soon as possible Molly, as I intend to show you just how perfect Bath is. The only thing that could improve it, is having you there with me.

I do have other reasons for wanting to get my strength back in time for your visit Dawsey, but unfortunately we will have to wait out on that for now.

Try not to be too hard on Smurf. I cannot blame him for the way he feels about you. I don't particularly like the thought, but I cannot blame him. You are an intriguing woman Molly Dawes and you have many refreshing qualities that I find quite frankly, irresistible. I think my fate may have been sealed the moment you walked onto that parade square and laughed at me.

Undeniably yours,

Capt James

ps. I'm not sure my sanity could cope with a bed bath from your lovely hands;)


	4. Chapter 4

Facebook Messenger, pre departure from Bastion.

Hey boss, going to have to make this quick. Kinders wants us out the door in 5. I would have got on here earlier but comms have been down for ages. Some poor bugger got caught in the blast of an incoming last night. Guess it must have taken a while to contact his family.

We should be in Cyprus by late afternoon, so hopefully I'll be free to chat about 1900. Can't wait to be able to use my phone again. Would be nice to hear your voice. The thought of it does things to me;) Probably shouldn't say that on here!

Gotta go. 1900, don't be late bossman. xx

Molly

The following day at 1900.

Capt James: Hi beautiful, you there?

1902

Capt James: Molly?

1905

Capt James: I'll be here waiting, just let me know when you are able to talk.

1922

Molly: Boss, I'm so sorry, bleeding queue to get on the Internet is ridiculous. Please tell me you're still there!

Capt James: Where else would I be xx

Molly: I thought I had missed you! I was stressing out at being late and all that. Especially considering this is the first time we've actually spoken proper since it all happened.

Capt James: Well we're here now, so no harm done. How is the decompressing going?

Molly: It's alright I suppose. Seems a bit of a waste of time if you ask me. Didn't get chance to hit the beach as MT screwed up and were late picking us up from the airport. Apart from that, had a barbecue and a few beers. Was the first time I've seen 2 Section relax. It was nice really. Some blonde bird and her guitar are on at the moment. More for the lads enjoyment than mine I think. How are you doing Sir?

Capt James: Molly, it's unlikely that I'm going to be your boss from this point forward. Charles will do.

Molly: Charles! You don't look like a Charles lol.

Capt James: Dare I ask. What do I look like then?

Molly: I dunno... Edward, Benjamin, Maybe a Tarquin;)

Capt James: F ?;in Tarquin!

Molly: Language bossman, sorry I mean Charles lol.

Capt James: I think you and I are going to be having words when you get back!

Molly: I'll look forward to it, although I always thought that actions were supposed to speak louder than words;)

Capt James: I think I could maybe manage some actions...but only if you pack your West Ham shirt and those little shorts you used to wear, when you visit me. :)

Molly: You've got a filthy mind bossman. Maybe I will. Depends on how quickly you get better.

Capt James: Actually, the doc says that I 'm doing ok. I think I might have mentioned that I can go home soon. Maybe sooner than I expected. It will be nice to be back in my own bed, and besides, a little privacy would be welcome when you come up to stay.

Molly: Your jumping the gun a bit aren't you. Who said anything about staying. I thought I might just wheel you round the hospital garden for a bit and then bog off back to London. The lads and I have got serious decompressing to do you know!

Capt James: Oh, ok, well whatever you can manage. I would just be glad to see you.

Molly: Im joking boss. I can't think of anywhere else I would rather be. x

Capt James: Well, if your going to insist on still calling me boss, I'm going to have to live up to those expectations Dawsey;) Don't say I didn't warn you.

Molly: A girl can dream!..

Nude Nut is going ballistic at me. Says I'm hogging the computer. I had better go. Message me your address and mob no, and I'll call as soon as I can. I'm actually quite nervous about seeing you now!

Capt James: Ditto. xx


	5. Chapter 5

As they touched down at Brize, Molly gathered her things and prepared to disembark. Crossing the tarmac, she wondered if anyone would be waiting for her in the terminal this time around. A tiny voice in the back of her mind began to whisper the same words over and over, " What if he's here". She knew that it was an impossibility, since the boss was still at Headley and unable to walk, let alone drive; but it did not dampen the tiny slither of hope that had formed and now routed itself firmly in her consciousness. After all, she had given him her ETA. Surely he would find a way to be there for her.

She chided herself for the ridiculous thoughts and followed the meandering line of her fellow soldiers through the double doors, up the ramp and into customs. Due to their tendency to indulge in pirated media and other goodies, soldiers were still subjected to the same passport and baggage checks as civilian travellers. It was here, waiting in line that the butterflies in her stomach decided to simultaneously take flight. She grimaced as the waves of nausea hit and a lump settled in her throat. "What if he is here?" she thought silently. "Even worse, what if my Mum and Dad are here? I'm not ready for them to meet, not yet. I haven't even got to know him myself. What if he doesn't like them? Dad can say some stupid things sometimes. I don't think I can do this!"

Through passport control they went, each of them nervous to greet what had become unfamiliar after 6 months of separation and military routine. A huge cheer rose up as 2 Section battled their way into arrivals, weighted down with kit bags, whilst trying to cut a clear path to their loved ones. Molly's eyes darted back and forth, frantically searching for the one thing that she had dared not hope for.

"You alright Molly?" Kinders asked, stopping alongside her.

" I hate these things" she replied with a thin smile. "The only thing worse than your parents not turning up, are you parents turning up!".

Kinders chuckled, and turned, eyeballing his family in the throng. "Laters Molly"

"Yeh, see yah" she said, now looking around for something familiar of her own.

The English flag held aloft, but waved frantically, stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Mols!" Her mother shouted, rushing towards her and enveloping her in a bone crushing hug. "I can't believe your back. We have missed you." She stepped back to look at her daughter. "You look so tanned. Don't she look tanned Dave?"

"Yeh, she looks good" her father replied, timidly.

Molly reached out and linked hands with him. He looked down in astonishment, smiled and squeezed her hand in response.

" Nan hired a corsa for the day. Wasn't that good of her?" her mother said, smiling.

"Yeh, it was...thanks Nan" Molly replied as she warmly embraced her grandmother. "Let's get out of here then."

Picking up her Bergen, she scanned the arrivals lounge one more time, and feeling somewhat dejected, made her way out into the cool, afternoon air.

Molly buckled up and reached for her phone. She hadn't turned it on since R & R, and she worried if it would have any life left in it. Relief flooded through her as it vibrated, running through its startup programme. Reaching into her breast pocket, she pulled out a small slip of paper torn from a magazine, but containing details so precious to her. She had memorised those details, but it comforted her to read them all the same. Running her thumb over the address and contact details, barely legible, and written in haste due to Nude Nuts ranting, she smiled inwardly.

"Here goes nothing" she thought to herself.

Molly: " Hey boss, I'm back".

**Sorry for for the delay, life just gets in the way sometimes. Next chapter is the big reunion!**

**Reviews always appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 6

Pas

**_In summary, Molly is back from Afghanistan, on the way home with her parents and has just sent a text to Capt James. The closer she is to home, the more nervous she feels about meeting up with him. _**

**_Big apologies to all; I know I promised the reunion, but I'm not quite ready for it yet. I just wanted to explore Molly out of her comfort zone and the delicate nature of new relationships. _**

Molly: "Hey boss, I'm back".

Almost immediately, Molly's mobile vibrated in response.

Capt James: "Hey beautiful, good to have you home. Tired?"

Molly: "No, I'm ok actually. How are you doing?"

Capt James: "I'm fine, just glad that you are home safely"

Capt James: "Are you free to talk. Can I call you?"

A feeling of unease immediately began to uncoil in the pit of her stomach, snaking its way up through her body, constricting her throat as it progressed upwards into her mind, incapacitating her ability for rational thought. He wanted to talk to her ….now…with her parents in earshot.

Molly: "I'm in the car with mum and dad at the moment".

Capt James: "Can I'll call you later then?"

Unsure of how to respond, she sat staring at his words. Was she ready to talk to him? It had been so long since that fateful day where he had been gunned down by Badrai. That very same day that he had held her face in his hands and declared himself as hers forever, despite the dangers of 2 Section overhearing. Writing to him had felt safe and easy, however talking was an entirely different ball game.

Anxiety continued to pervade her body, quickening her pulse and threatening to choke her. Her face felt hot and her hands suddenly became clammy. "Get a grip" Molly thought to herself, "It's only the bossman. This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"But it's not the bossman anymore is it". Somewhere inside her, a battle had begun furiously raging, leaving her uncertain about which side of the fence she wanted to be on.

Not two hours ago she was this cocksure lass from London, unafraid and ready to come back and claim her man. Now she felt adrift; unsure of herself. The world that she had known for the past six months had been stripped away from her the moment she had stepped off of the plane at Brize, leaving her feeling naked. All that remained was plain old inadequate, uneducated nineteen year old Molly Dawes.

She stared out of the window, looking through but not really seeing, and then took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.

Molly: "Ok"

Pause.

Capt James: "Ok then".

Minutes passed but her mobile remained silent. Molly sat stunned. What the hell had just happened? It was as if the clocks had been instantly rewound and they were back to tip toeing around each other; both unsure of how the other felt. Only last week she was threatening to give him a bed bath. How could things change so quickly? Molly cursed herself for her stupidity in pushing him away, yet she didn't know how to rectify the situation or if she should even try.

"Is he going to call? He didn't say when he would call". "Crap" she thought to herself. "I've blown it; I'm such a dumb arse! There is no way that we can make this work; we are too different. I don't know what I was thinking to start with. I can't match up to his wife. Oh God, his wife. We haven't even had chance to talk about that" Molly rubbed her forehead, her mind rambling. "Guess it doesn't matter now, he won't want me, not after this. I'm such an idiot".

"You listening Mols?" her mother suddenly asked, turning around to look at her daughter. "Sorry mum, what did you say?" Molly responded, looking up from her now silent mobile.

The drive back to London continued uneventfully, except for the constant chatter from her mother, occasionally punctuated by the good natured gibes liberally tossed in by her father and grandmother. Molly however, remained locked within her thoughts.

She threw her bags into the corner of her bedroom, plugged in her mobile and slumped down on the bed. The journey home had done nothing to alleviate her fears or provide clarity on how to fix the mess that she knew she had created through her own lack of maturity.

Looking up at the photo of 2 Section that she had wedged between the springs of the bunk above, she smiled. Lightly, she touched his face, stern with authority; the epitome of the Army officer. How she loved that face, those beautiful dark eyes that she felt could see into her soul and read every inappropriate thought. She remembered the events of that day on the parade square vividly, for it was the first time she had made contact with her new CO. He had berated her in front of 2 Section, and for the majority of her first week, as she stumbled time after time to function as a soldier in his presence. Eventually, however, she had proven herself and slowly but surely had found her way into his affections. He had made her feel like a fundamental part of the 2 Section family unit, through gentle reprimand and encouragement. Naively, she had thought that becoming a better soldier meant putting away all that was Molly Dawes and taking on a new persona. But he had helped her to realise the potential within and she had relished the chance to be herself and to grow.

His letters had implied that he still cared for her, but did his feelings still stand in the cold light of day? Uniform could hide a multitude of sins, but robbed of that opportunity to blend in, he would see her for the individual she was. She knew that she could never live up to what a man of his standing required, yet she had convinced herself that love could overcome anything. Until now.

"Dinner won't be long Mols, fish and chips alright?" yelled her mother from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm not really that hungry" Molly responded.

"Stop being ridiculous, a growing girl like you needs a good dinner in her" her mother replied. "Don't be too long Dave, I'm starving. Oh and don't come back with any of those pickled egg things. You know I can't stand the sight of them. Puts me right off my dinner".

Molly sighed, rolled herself up off the bed and made her way to the tiny bathroom, crammed full of dusty knick-knacks and toiletries. Picking up the wet towels from off of the floor, she put them in the laundry basket and turned on the shower.

The time alone under the hot water had helped to cleanse her mind as well as her body and had provided ample opportunity to calmly think through her next move. She didn't know if he would welcome it, but seeing his face staring back from the photo had provided a much needed push.

Sitting alone in her room, she picked through the chips on her plate, absentmindedly moving them about, but never actually eating. Eventually, when she could take it no more, she discarded the plate, reached for her phone and began to type.

Molly: "Are you free to talk?"

She pushed send.

Seconds ticked pass, then a minute without a response. The fear that had threatened to engulf her previously, returned with renewed vigour. Five minutes lapsed and still nothing. Slowly, she sank to the floor, resting her head in her hands. Her breath hitched in her throat and the tears that had materialised, began tracking their way down her cheeks and onto the tip of her nose. "That's it then. I've lost him" her mind silently declared.

On the floor beside her, her mobile vibrated. Wiping her eyes, she picked up the mobile, the beginnings of a flutter in her heart on registering the sender.

Capt James: "Any time"

Molly: "Now?"

Capt James: "Sure"

Molly: "Ok, I'm heading out. Need somewhere quiet. Don't go anywhere"

Capt James: "I'll be here"


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi all, again apologies for the delay. I finished my draft last night and promptly lost it all. So rewrite from scratch this morning. As as always, reviews are appreciated. I never realised how much of yourself you pour into these things, so thanks to all have have entertained and thrilled with your stories._

Capt James: "Are you free to talk. Can I call you?"

Molly: "I'm in the car with mum and dad at the moment"

Capt James: "Can I call you later then?"

The smile slowly withdrew from his face as he waited for her response. "What was taking her so long?" It was after all, a simple question considering their recent flirty banter and recent affirmations.

Molly: "Ok".

His brow furrowed as he concentrated on that one tiny word. Instinctively he knew that something was wrong. He couldn't help but feel that she was trying to stall him, or was he just imagining things? Resting one arm behind his head, he winced, immediately regretting it as the stitching in his stomach wound reminded him of its existence. "Perhaps she was just tired?" he reasoned. "Maybe the flight had been a difficult one?". Spending hours in a confined space with 2 Section's constant singing and raucous behaviour was enough to send anyone mad" he thought, the corner of his mouth creasing upwards slightly at the memories the thought had evoked. "Although no doubt Smurf would still be all over her like a rash. That boy just didn't know when to give up". As quickly as it came, the smirk had disappeared.

"Ok then" he typed and hit send, sitting back against the pillows and glancing out of the window at the people filing past.

But regardless of the excuses that flowed through his mind, many of them plausible enough to placate the dread that had firmly settled over him like a dark cloud; he was sure deep down in his heart that he was kidding himself.

Pocketing his mobile he sighed, and looking around the sparse room, reached for his crutches and hoisted himself onto his good leg. He wasn't supposed to walk unsupervised at this stage of his rehabilitation, but at this moment in time he felt claustrophobic within the confines of his temporary home, and desperately needed some air. Slowly he hobbled along the corridor, avoiding eye contact with anyone, then out into the afternoon sunlight, although the warmth from its rays did nothing to quell the discomfort seeping through his veins.

He took a deep breath hoping the oxygen would calm him, however, his mind continued to churn. "I'm just being ridiculous" he rebuffed himself. "There has to be a reasonable explanation. It's probably the medication they have got me on; I'm not thinking clearly".

"No...Smurf must have said something to make her uncomfortable. Maybe he has told the rest of 2 Section what really happened…shit. Molly, I'm so sorry" he whispered, eyes downcast. "I wish I could tell you that. God, I need you to know that right now".

Sitting down on the nearest bench, he took the mobile from his pocket and scrolled through his contacts until it rested on her name. Confused and unsure of what to do he sat staring into space, absentmindedly tapping his fingers against his thigh. Never before had he been lost for a plan of action, even when things were going down the pan with Rebecca. It was himself that had calmly suggested they sit down and talk it through. Himself that had kept his cool and called in the MIRT when Geraint had been shot and the radio operator froze in fear. Even when his father had been rushed into hospital with a stroke, he had known exactly what to do. Now he just felt helpless, and his leg was beginning to throb with the exertion. "You are being ridiculous" he thought, shaking his head and blowing air out through his nose. He had promised to call her, and call her he would; but not until he had fully managed to compose himself.

When he had ran out of reasoning, he lifted himself up from the bench and retreated to his room, scowling at the ache that had set up residence in his damaged ankle. Laying back he closed his eyes, willing sleep to come, but the images that flashed through his mind were relentless. Molly's beautiful hair falling around her shoulders. Her gentle yet accomplished touch on his tortured feet. The way she bit her lower lip when she wanted to ask a question. That first touch of hands when she had promised to be his. No words had been needed that day. With the passing of time, the images eventually began to blur into one and he drifted into a fitful slumber.

2 Section sat in the back of the Mastiff, as it rolled across the dusty Afghan terrain. The sun hung low in the sky causing the mountains to exude a mystical quality that only landscapes such as this could achieve. Smurf had taken his usual position up top on the gimpy and was happily singing along with the lads as they warbled their way through every song in their arsenal. As Capt James smiled to himself, he felt a nudge in his pocket. Patting himself down, he attempted to locate the source. There it was again, as before, but stronger this time. Confused, he unzipped the pocket and felt around inside. Nothing.

Suddenly his eyes flew open and his hand reached for his phone which continued to gently vibrate where it had fallen against his leg. His heart fluttered at the words that lay there on the screen.

Molly: Are you free to talk?"

"Anytime" he responded, hope stirring within him.

Molly: "Now?"

Unable to contain the nerves which had now taken control he responded "Sure".

Molly: "Ok, I'm heading out. Need somewhere quiet. Don't go anywhere".

"I'll be here".

**Part 2**

Molly bounded down the stairs, grabbing her parker from the end of the bannister and shouted "I'm just going out mum, won't be long".

"Ok, but take care love. These streets aren't safe at night" her mother yelled back from the living room where she had curled up with a mug of tea.

Not stopping to respond, she hurried down the street towards the now deserted play area, trying to stay calm and focused on what she needed to do. Sitting on a swing, she pulled her mobile from her pocket, took a deep breath and dialled his number.

"Hi" he answered softly.

"Hi yourself. You ok?" she countered in barely a whisper.

"I think so. How was your journey?". Capt. James attempted to sound nonchalant. The last thing he wanted was for Molly to think that he was needy.

Molly chuckled lightly "It was alright I suppose. Nothing to write home about".

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air.

Capt. James ran a hand through his hair "I'm glad you called."

"Me too" she sighed "Look I'm sorry for being an idiot earlier. I dunno what happened. I just lost my bottle I suppose. It's been ages since I've spoken to you and wasn't sure what to say".

Relief instantly spread through his body causing him to smile. "Honestly Molly, its ok. If it makes you feel any better, I would have called you back tonight".

"So…. you still want me then?" she replied, heart firmly in mouth. She hadn't wanted to ask the question outright, but she couldn't stop herself. She needed to know for sure.

Capt James chuckled. "Do you really even need to ask? I had hoped to have made my feelings for you clear by now."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's just that we left things a bit crap; didn't really get chance to talk about stuff. It's been going round and round my head and doing my nut in."

"Molly, I'm sorry" he said softly, at that moment just wanting to hold her in his arms. "This whole mess is my fault. You should never have had to go through any of those things. I've really messed this up, I know that. Believe me, I've had plenty of opportunity to think about my actions, careless as they were."

"Boss, it's not all your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself."

"But it is Molly" he persisted. "I was in charge and I made the wrong decisions, endangering the whole of 2 Section. I had a choice to make and I chose wrong". He looked at his feet, as the familiar wave of self loathing hit. He had gone over these thoughts countless times throughout his convalescence, each time producing the same feelings of shame and disgust.

Molly sat in silence, unsure of how to respond. She didn't want to be his bad choice; she wanted to be his future.

"Molly, I don't mean you" he hurriedly interjected, realising her misinterpretation. "You are the best thing to happen to me in as long as I can remember. What I mean is that I made mistakes in how I chose to pursue our relationship. I knew that I wanted you. I also knew that in my position, I shouldn't, and I struggled with being so close to you every day. I should have waited until we were out of theatre before telling you how I felt."

Molly sighed "I'm glad you didn't though".

"Even so, I should have. I was your commanding officer Molly and I broke the rules."

"Was my CO?" she countered, confusion evident in her voice.

The military man in him returned. "If I ever get well enough to achieve operational fitness, I will request to be transferred to another platoon. I need to be able to focus 100% on the task at hand and unfortunately you are just too much of a distraction for me".

"That said" he smirked. "I'm pretty sure that I can make it worth your while when we are together."

Molly's chest fluttered. Is that right?" she teased, picturing him sitting there with his self assured, slightly smug grin plastered across his face. How she loved that look; that very same look that made her insides melt.

"Try me" he replied softly.

"Maybe I will" she responded, the sexual tension now palpable in the air.

Capt James took a deep breath. If this was the way she could make him feel from the end of a phone, he knew he was in trouble. This woman had captivated him heart and soul and in that moment he would have given her the world if he could.

"So when can I see you boss?" she asked, more confident in herself.

He pondered this for a brief moment. "Well, I'm still at Headley Court, but I should be home this weekend or shortly after. I cannot believe I am going to say this, but can it wait until then? I would prefer not to be wearing pyjamas when we do this!" he laughed.

"I'm sure you look very fetching in your jim jams though" she replied flirtatiously.

"That's a given" he chuckled, slightly embarrassed at the thought. "But it's not quite what I had in mind for our first date".

Molly grinned to herself; how could she not. "So what did you have in mind then? I've done the Indian takeaway thingy, so don't go thinking we can rehash that one!".

At this he laughed loudly. "Back to the drawing board it is then Molly!"

"Boss, I wouldn't care if we shared a pizza" she replied, and then more softly, "I just wanna see you again".

Capt James smiled at this, his heart full of love for this amazing girl. "Me too Molly".

At that moment, his physiotherapist walked in, hands on hips. "Good evening Charles, and how have you been today?"

He sighed. "Molly, I have to go, my physio is here. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"You'd better" she replied.

"Count on it"...sleep well beautiful" he whispered.

"You too bossman".


End file.
